Ahem ...

Alan Ford gave this 1991 picture from the Knell/Ford Ermine Street Guard debut in Martigny in Switzerland the caption "What was I thinking?" about which, I suspect, we may not wish to have too much clarity ...

Testudo tactics

Alan Ford has kindly responded to my appeal for more material and has been scanning his Crickley photos. Thank you, Alan. His guest appearance for the Ermine Street Guards was mentioned a few weeks ago on the blog. He illuminates further: "1991 was the year that Rob Knell and myself were press ganged into the Ermine Street Guard. I actually at first refused the chance of an all expenses trip to Martigny in Switzerland as I was filling in as planning supervisor that year. Cold sobriety and wiser council returned the next morning, so off the two recruits went.

As you can see we made a right pair, straight out of the pages of Asterix. Whilst there I had a chance to experience an attack in Testudo for myself. Though all the commands were audibly shouted in Latin I can assure you that the Legionnaires within the Testudo were keeping time by shouting "Mince! Mince! Mince!" as we shambled down the ramp of the Roman Ampitheatre in Martigny. Our visual acuity being about as good as that from a WWII tank, our lead rank did not note we were drifting to the right. Thus it came as a terrible blow to us all when the front Sinister corner of our Testudo collided with the gate post, resulting in the entire formation falling apart with arms and legs (and yes probably other appendages too) waving in the air like a stunned beetle or the Belgians in the "It's a Knockout attack the Castle blindfolded in a foam outfit game". And all this on a bright day, on an even surface and without without the rocks, corpses, writhing wounded, incoming missiles and other obstacles that would have got in the way of a Roman assault.

I can however attest to the efficaciousness of the Mangonel as a weapon of war. One shot missed the butts, sailed over the Ampitheatre Wall and smashed the windscreen of a parked car some 300 metres distant."

Splendid.

The Ermine Street Guard ...

Alan Ford enlightens:

"The Elder and Younger Haines', who run the Ermine Street Guard, live in the farmhouse at Cold Slad, clearly visible at the foot of the western slope of the hill.

In 1991 the Guard found themselves a couple of chaps short for an important trip and a representative was sent to the nearest source of likely manpower. Hence Myself and Rob Knell volunteered to the last minute spaces on the Ermine Street Guard's 1991 trip to Martigny, Switzerland for the 500 year anniversary of the Swiss Cantons.

So it was that Legionary Ovinus Fordicus and Auxillia Rossisis Knellius came to march beneath the Eagles. And a right pair we were too.

I have recently found, in a long forgotten box guarded by a leopard, a small selection of photos taken by me in 1991. These include some splendidly Asterixesque shots of the unholy duo. I will forward these on as soon as I can get my scanner to work again.

I shall accompany the photos of Legionary Ovinus Fordicus and Auxillia Rossisisd Knellius with a thrilling account of the effectiveness of the Testudo."

Can't wait to see them, Alan ...

The Chronicler scoops the prize ...

Dr Phillpotts has been on enquiries en famille in Tunisia "sampling the delights of Roman cities, troglodyte dwellings and camels."

This is a family blog, Dr Phillpotts, so private emails only about the camels, please. He continues:

"With reference to a fairly recent posting of a near-naked Noakes looking regal with a large white sceptre: I don't remember the photograph being taken, but I believe it relates to the following episode.

There was in the mid 1970s a popular television programme fronted by Esther Rantzen called 'That's Life', a mixture of consumer items and comic silliness. One of the regular items was 'Heap of the Week' in which members of the public were invited to nominate an unwanted item for imaginative destruction. One week [it was during 1975. Ed.] the Heap was a large white plaster statue of a seated king, and it was destroyed in the quarry at Crickley Hill.

[Photo of large white plaster King kindly supplied by Mr John Boden who was brandishing his Pentax to pleasing effect that day. Ed.]

We were peacefully excavating the hill-fort interior one day when one of our number (it may have been me) looked out over the rampart to see a troop of Roman soldiers marching up the quarry, and gave the alarm. Believing we might be in a time-warp, we armed ourselves with catbashers and ranging poles, and sallied forth to tackle the invaders, Biggles blowing a rallying cry on the scaffolding pipe. This was in the true spirit of Iron Age warfare, as had been nobly elucidated to us by the lectures of R D A Savage. However, the television crew were less than happy with our noisy arrival, as the presenter was doing his piece to camera at the time.

It turned out that the Ermine Street Guard (for it was they) had been engaged to destroy the offending statue with their small mangonel (or whatever Romans called it) by lobbing missiles at it from across the quarry. In this endeavour the ersatz Romans were singularly ineffective, only succeeding in denting one of the royal knees; so the television crew cheated by pushing the statue off the edge, editing the film afterwards to give the illusion of success.


[Ersatz Romans, being singularly ineffective with a mangonel, also supplied by the Atelier Boden. Ed.]

I can only assume that Noakes was posing with pieces of the debris. I wonder if anyone else remembers the incident? If so, I claim my prize of a free dinner for four at the Albergo Parker.

We did have some later contacts with the Ermine Street Guard. Bryn Boreham (Personality of the Year CH84?) was a member and sometimes wore his armour to parties. I remember trying to play a tune on it with a pair of spoons, one of the more unusual instruments I have played in my eccentric musical career.

Re the picture of John Howell delving in a post-hole with a mallet and a catbasher by his side in CH78, I recall that some of John's post-holes in the gull in that year had fills so hard that they needed robust tools to excavate them. I think even picks were employed."

Dr Phillpotts is correct in all particulars in his recollection, as one would wish a Chronicler to be, and the free dinner at the Albergo Parker is surely his. I think Mr Boden also merits dinner for the excellent and timely illustrations, don't you?